Can I have one apricot?

LB: Mom, can I have one apricot, please?
Mom: Yes, babe, you can have one apricot.
(She gets the dried apricots out of the pantry, and takes out a nice big wad of 6 apricots from the bag).
Mom: Um, little one, that doesn't look like ONE apricot.
LB: Yes Momma, it's one clump of apricots...

Mom: Little bean, did the baby just put something in her mouth from the floor?
LB: Yes.
Mom: Did you see what it was?
LB: Some crap.

Mom: What did you have for snack at school today?
LB: Teddy grahams. Some brown teddy grahams and some that were not brown. And chocolate milk.
Mom: Ooh, chocolate milk. You've never had chocolate mik before! What did you think?
LB: Oh, it really cools you down. (It was a very gray and gloomy day that day, don't know if that helps frame the strangeness of her reply).

Never mind that she also insists on calling the husband and I by our given names. Ah, how to regain the respect of a precocious 3 year old?!?!?!?